Part of you is broken, and the other part is bitter. Part of you wants to cry, and part of you wants to fight. The tears you cry are hot because they come from your heart, and there is a fire burning in your heart. It's the fire of anger. It's blazing. it's consuming. Its flames leap up under a steaming pot of revenge.

And you are left with a decision. "Do I put the fire out or heat it up? Do I get over it or get even? Do I release it or resent it? Do I let my hurts heal, or do I let hurt turn into hate?

That's a good definition of resentment: Resentment is when you let your hurt becomes hate. Resentment is when you allow what is eating you to eat you up. Resentment is when you poke, stoke, feed and fan the fire, stirring the flames and reliving the pain.

Resentment is the deliberate decision to nurse the offense until it comes in a black, furry, growling grudge.

That mere excerpts strucked me. Really, That is what exactly I am adapting, that I really would want to avert. Consider the passages: (From the book)

When the worst earthquake strucked South Armenia, Susanna, Gayaney and Karine fell into the basement with the nine-story apartment house crumbling around them..
Susanna knew that she would die, but she wanted her daughter to live. She found a dress, perhaps the one she had come to try on, and made a bed for Gayaney. Though it was bitter cold, she lost the feeling in her fingers and toes. Because of her inability to move, she lost hope. "I was just waiting for death." She began to hallucinate. Her thoughts wandered. A merciful sleep occasionally freed her from the horror of her entombment, but the sleep would be brief. Something always awakened her: the cold, the hunger, or most often- the voice of her daughter. "Mommy, I'm thirsty." At some point in that eternal night, Susanna had an idea. She remembered a television program about an explorer n the Arctic who was dying of thirst. His comrade slashed open his hand and gave his friend his blood. "I had no water, no fruit juice, no liquids. I was then I remembered I had my own blood." Her groping fingers, numb from cold, found a piece of shattered glass. She sliced open her left index finger and gave it to her daughter to suck. The drops of blood weren't enough. "Please, Mommy, cut some more. Cut another finger." Susanna has no idea how many times he cut herself. She only knows that If she hadn't, Gayaney would have died. Her blood was her daughter's only hope

I was thunderstruck. The same sacrifice Jesus has done to us. His blood was shed in the cross in order to save us. What a great love God holds for us!

Am I getting too "holy"? hehe.. just came into realization that our spiritual walk with God is the greatest of all. Earthly possessions are nothing compared to eternal bliss in heaven. Just a thought of it.

Hmm..lemme see.. This year, I'll try my best to become...
1) A better me! (be OPTImistic, dump PESSImisms, act mature enuf, BOOST UP my CONFIDENCE and ABANDON Shyness!)
2) Study Harder (read lotsa books, AVOID PROCRASTINATION, ace in my MAJOR subjects and not merely the minor ones.. haha!)
3) Thrust aside INDOLENCE!(being a BUM and LETHARGIC ain't good AT ALL!)
4) Be INdependent (I hafta stand on my own feet now.. I'm nearly 20.. DUH!)
5) Improve my Spiritual walk with God (This might sound a fraud, lol.. but yea, I want to have an effective intimate relationship with Him)
6) Rebuff INSECURITIES (I am one of a kind and I am made for a purpose.. STOP COMPARISONS!)
7) START WORKIN' ON MY RESOLUTIONS! Now... I mean NOW!

Btw, I have here a rusty old book I had dig in our filthy, old, corroded home library. The book's entitled, The Applause of Heaven by Max Lucado. That's what I'm reading right now.... randomly! haha!! There's a variety of books actually downstairs in our so-called "library".. hehe! There's loads of Law, Accounting, Psychological books.. Marami pang iba.. Yun nga lang.. they're sooo dusty!! Anyway, better end this up cos Im gonna bathe myself now cos Im paying for my tuition. Okiez?? Bye for Now!!

HPI BDAY DIAN! (my witty cuzin)

I just got home from school. Got my sched already. form M-S, my time starts at 8 till noon. Ok lang. I also claimed my gradeslip. I am quite happy with the results. I really thought that I'll get a 3.00 in my other subject! Thank God, wala akong 3! Ok na rin.. Anyway, I got an average of 1.54. I applied my recent and former grades to Dean's List. Last term I got 1.65 and I'm glad that I aced it by .11 *whisper a 'lil pray'r*

I'm broke! Yea right.. YES I AM! Please anyone there suggest a good book for me to read. I prefer compilation of inspirational stories or a pretty short novel. hehe! Pls Pls suggest some! I AM BORED!!!! I want to go get some clubbing!!

I really feel so awful when somebody dies. I just hope that this incoming year will be a better year for all of us. I know it'll be impossible to have no bloodshed and dying at all, but this year (2003), I've noticed that there are lotsa peeps who just passed away. (and I pray peace for their souls) as I recounts; My tito Boy died of heart attack, Blas Ople, Cayetano Arellano, Rod Navarro, Inday Badiday, Poor peeps in Leyte.. and other people not really known to me.. and just recently, Miko died cos of falling on the 9th floor of his condo.. I really feel sorry for him!!, I still remember when my cuz, maun and I greeted him in Limits, and he even smiled at me and handed the paper to monica! (we're trippin' then) ..and you know what?? I am currently watching "Walang Hanggan" in GMA and it was so creepy cos Miko's still alive then and there's this scene that they're talking about conversing with dead people!! it's just soo... freaky, spooky, scary... Miko have peace!!!!

My parents are off to Plantation Bay with their friends from the States. Aghh, Yesterday we're supposed to go to Star City or to any bar but we ended having a "joy ride" instead. Traffic Jams are everywhere, we're soundtrippin' inside the car and I love tito Mitchell's compilation of OPM songs and my favorite was "Forever by your side" by unknown artist. There were also variety of songs that made me really hum with. We first went to BF homes, in my cuz' residence in Pque then ate at KFC then to my cuz Audz' place in Commonwealth. We went home like 2 in the morning.

Last 24th, I acted as one of the "ninangs" at my very first "inaanak's" baptism. Mary Denn (my inaanak's name) is such a cute baby. Dad and I were VIPs. haha! My "kumare" and "kumpadre" are singers and they sing in some bars and occassions. My "kumare" is a pretty young mom and my "kumpadre" is a long-hair dad. There were also other peeps there that I've known instantly that they're my cousins pala. I envy this one cousin of mine cos he's holding a N6600. I wanna have one too! If only we're affluent!.. but we're not! We're poor as a rat!

We've been to Quiapo to bookbind our thesis which is quite a thick one. Grace met his bf from FEU then he helped us find a cheap bookbinding service. We ate at greenwich after, then since we hafta wait for a couple of hours for the rush bookbind, we decided to sit-in at Abu's (Grace's bf) class. Yea. the prof was indifferent! hahaha! a verry traumatic thing happened. We were really shocked at how people there acted so rude! (no offense for FEUnians here who reads my blog) There was this old, rusty, BLASTED aircon infront of us. Abu, (w/ good intention) opened that fuckin' aircon and guess what??!! all the styro that is stuffed in that DECAYING aircon went all to us! DAMN! they all laughed.. AS IF we're not around. What a NICE way to welcome their visitors huh?!.. They're sucha PAIN IN THE ASS!! We were spilling our rants going home... until the convo shifted about our profs.. haha! We linked the profs that we're crushin' on to ourselves.. hehe! like Sir Rebolledo's to Yhra, Sir Laverne's to Grace and Sir Sioao's to me.. hahaha! (although I know that it's all fantasy...) haha! 'just ride on! In school, we handed our thesis docu to sir Laverne and he promised to treat us! (kaming 3 lang.. hahaha!)

We had our Final Exam yesterday at Salvador and Sioao's subjects. I was honestly anticipating a pretty high score at Sioao's exam. I got 100 both in prelim and midterm exam already and I do hope I can get the same grade this time. ;) Bad3p ako sa 2 exams cos I really didn't seriously answered those.(Bagsak na un..) That's the main reason why I had a really terrible headache... and also, mejo nabadtrip lang din ako sa mga sarcasms.. but I'm ok now. Descending the stairs, we bumped into Sir Sioao. (bagets talaga tong prof na toh) and.. guess what?? I was laughing my ass off when I saw his pic at friendster!! contrast ang kulay sa background.. haha! ang panget nya dun. He's cute in person. hehehehe!!

I just had a single class for this day. It was Sir Sioao's. I hitched to my Uncle Dean's car that brought me to MRT Quezon Ave. Surprisingly, (although I was anticipating it..) I saw Sir Sioao there. There he was, standing at the backmost part of the MRT stop or whatsoever you may called it. I was kinda hesitant at first to approach and tap him, but my nerve was able to dump my timid behavior. Haha! I tapped him and he was kinda surprised to see me there. He let me move in front of him so I can easily get in the train. Wow.. how nice he was.

Inside the train, we were kinda havin' some chitchats then I told him that I'm making him a testimonial at friendster. He said that he'll be making us one too. There were some other things that we talked about. (Oh well, not that personal stuffs you're thinking..) hehe! I confirmed if he's really 21, he was puzzled how did I get to know his age, I said that it's all stated in his friendster profile. Well yeah, I learned then that he's really 21 and single (He made a mean joke that he was married already) Chitchats again while walking and he was such a gentleman for letting me step on the escalator first. We were talking nonsensical blabs until we reached school.

In School:
He discussed his lecture and as always, he let us answer some questions... He included like a LOT for the Final exam. There's something quite queer happened cos this guy from school asked stuffs about me. I find it very odd. I guess he read my profile cos he was talking about it. He was even kinda complaining why did I send him a very short testi. hahaha! He's a bit alienated.

Sir Sioao called me once for recitation but I didn't hear it and so he said that I wasn't listening. He called my friend Yhra several times. Grace and I have a feeling that Sir Sioao's crushing over Yhra cos she's pretty, striking, glamour, loud and a head-turner. They often tease them together too.

Yesterday we were bonding with Sir Sioao sa canteen. We stayed kasi there for extended hours.. the convo goes..
Sir: *Orders Food*
Yhrs: *whispers discreetly*-- ang itim nitong teacher nato!!
Me,Dyane and Grace: *Snickers*... (we cant breathe cos we're laughing hard)
Yhrs: Sir, dito na kayo sa table namin...
Sir: 'yoko, hiya ako sa inyo.. titinan nyo ko eh..
....{wushuu.. ang arte!)
Me: sus, na-conscious pa!
Yrhs, Me, Dyane and Grace: *Interviews him*
Yhrs: Sir, may asawa na kayo?
Sir:: *nods*.. nahihiya ako sa inyo kaya di ko sinusuot
Yhrs: ilan taon na? may anak na kayo?
Sir: isa. di.. wala pang anak
Sir: May klase pa kayo? San kayo ppnta pgktapos?
Us: uhmm.. sir sa mega..
Sir: Sama ako!..
Us: ah Sige po!
Sir: Teka, kakain pa ko.. ay wg nlang.. nhhya ko sa inyo eh
Yhrs: *Kwentuhan na kami...then suddenly..* Sino ba ung nagsabi.. may nagsabi sakin pangalang daw ng tuta nya ung pangalan nyo sir... *laughs...* kaw ba un gig?
Me: huh??!! *I want the ground to swallow me* di ako unah!!! lam ko pangalan ni sir eh.. *sir is beside me*
~~~LAUGH TRIP~~~
*Sir lumipat ng pwesto, the other side naman*
We talked about the job that he's telling us a while ago, then the convo went to ethnicity and tungkol sa
kanya and tungkol sa tenga ko...
Yhrs,Dyane&Grace: ....ay sa baguio diba.....blah blah....
Me: wahahaaa....*acts like whining*.. tama naaa..
Sir: Bakit,bakit?? ano meron sa baguio??
Me: Di ako nakasamaa....
Girls: Oo nga po, di sha nakasama..*sir asked why*
Me: ksi po.. d nyt b4 d trip.... story goes on.....blahhhh
Yhrs: Sir.. libre nyo kami
Sir: Nodded yes...
US: tara sir, sama kayo samin????
Sir: Oo..*nods2dmax*
US: *we all moved our asses out of the chairs and ready to head mega*
...but bigla hinila si sir at ginawang panel ng magddfense kaya yun.. sayang, di namin sha naka-bonding sa mall.. papalibre p nman sana kmi.. ehehehe!!

My 3-day vacation had been so unproductive.. my mom had been sick and so we rushed her to the nearest hospital. good thing her illness subsided that there's no need to confine her anymore.

I learned from Grace that Sir Sioao didn't hold classes, instead.. they just had soundtrippin'.. -errrr- uhuh. you heard it right. (can't imagine tho..) There were only 3 students who did attend his class.. and that includes my friend Liezl.. (the one I doubt sioao's fave. stud.) fcuk!! hell yeah Im no jealous or any sort.. haha!

Yesterday was Dyane's birthday and I skipped my class then we went to their house and sang there more than half day.. foods were sumptious and it was fun. Grace as always, sang.. danced.. etc.. I didnt sing. I just cant do that.. I sang along w/ them, yes. but I didnt really goes solo. It was fun tho. Grace toured me to her former school Dominican College and we went also to Aquinas.

We went at Octoberfest at mega yesterday after Dyane's celeb. There's lotsa guys staring at us and there were 2 guys who offered their seats. Mga panget sila.. lolz.. what can I say bout that party?! SUCKS! mas mabuti pa matulog sa bahay.. I gave my 2 beers to my guy friends. Grace and I went out in that hell.

At Virgin Cafe:
After paying for the entrance, we seated at the frontmost but extreme right part of the resto. It was perfect to get the performer's view and vice versa. Just right in time, after a few minutes, a band started to play. Jen told me that she was kinda falling for the lead singer's voice which was great. First in his playlist was Jason Mraz's Sleep All Day which is one of my fave. songs. Later on they sang requests and I love it when he sang "Moonlight Over Paris" which is as of now, my favorite song. A bit later, Nina (aka the song siren) went out. Her performance was just right to keep the audience petrified. Her performance as well the other band's performances were superb. Nina smiled at us then they picked some audience (one at a time) to sing on stage. The first lady who sang was awesome. great voice! just like nina's. Others were so-so. There.. they played and sang songs.. our request were read but wasnt included in their repertoir. There was i think a 10-min break then we ate and ordered Puttanesca and Pizza and vodka and iced teas.. then at 11pm, another band went out and played just well. It was the time my friend Grace went wild. Grace and I had a crush on the guitarist and the other lead singer. (He was realy funky and sexy) They covered songs like incomplete, ignition, rock w/ me.. etc! later on, they started to point at us! the two lead male singers! "all the girls out there..." We were 'kilig' hehehe!! And then.. I was clinging at Maan cos Im starting to freak out cos the cute lead singer was going down the stage and I sensed it that he's going to our table!!! GAWD!!!!!!!! I clinged on tighter to Maan and so the lead invited Grace to dance w/ him.. (you know.. they get audience to participate) (Si Grace kasi pinakamalakas loob samin) Grace went dancing with the guy! Soo funky and me and my company was freaking out! lolz! The lead thanked Grace and shook hands. around 1:30-2:00 am, my dad called and I really had to go home. I left my girlfriends and they were insisting me not to leave that early. As much as I want to stay, I cant! I WAS REALLY BITIN!!!!!!!! Bad trip!!!!!!! They said that they were sad when I left.. Grace accompanied me outside and it happened that the other band (The one that Ive been telling you that has a sexy vocalist and cute guitarist) was outside and the lead singer said.. 'Thanks for coming!' I didnt notice that the lead singer was giving me a rose! hahahaha!!! HOW SWEET!?!! dont get me wrong, it was unintentional! prolly it just happened that he was holding a rose then they saw me went out. Prolly a sign of gratitude. Whatver! I just smiled and left. I really didnt know that he's giving the rose. (according to Grace, parang nag-magic daw ng rose then he put it on his mouth.. basta ang sweet nya! yikes, as if naman na para sakin talaga un noh!) wahhaaaa! As soon as I got home, I couldnt sleep, Maan was texting me nonstop. Wala daw siyang partner cos nagwawala na si Jen and Grace sa stage. According to Maan, this is what happened after I left:

- Grace sang on the stage cos he was pulled by the lead singer.
- Grace and Jen danced on the stage w/ the band.
- Grace and Jen talked to the drummer and guitarist
- Accdg. to Grace, the drummer like Jen
- The guitarist and the drummer were asking for their cell #s.. pls daw pls pls pls..
- They went out hastily and discreetly.. (in short, tinakasan nila!)

Later at school.. I scolded Grace!!! They shoudve gave their #s malay mo free invites and stuff! sila pa umayaw sila na nga may crush don! If I were there, I'm going to give my #. It's harmless anyways.. There's no harm in making friends with them.. they cud even give us free invites sa gigs nila! tsk tsk tsk.. There.. Grace regret not giving her #. I contracted my sister. We're going to Ratsky's the last day of their sem.

Oh btw, They wrote me some notes (my girlfriends):

From Grace:
Thank you for this night!
I really enjoy it!
I hope kaw din!
binyag ka na! wow
my nightlife
na siyang makwe2nto!

From Maan:
Ingrid,
Grabe Ang
Saya ko!!!!
SANA MAULIT
ULIT NO.....
Bye.....

From Jenny:
INGRID,
its sooo nyc
2 mit u!
i hope we
bcame "CLOSEFRENDS!"
Sana maulit toh!
..GRabeh..
Loveyah!

Enough of grades grades and grades.. It's unwinding time and so we chilled out yesterday. I arrived in school about passed 9. Maan, TJ, Mark, Grace and Laarni were there already then we learned that grades were going to be released at 1pm and enlistment starts afterwards. So Grace and I planned to go to Quad but after we ate at the canteen (para tipid), we went instead to Podium and we just walked! We were supposed to see a movie but I declined. (nagtitipid ako noh!) and she afterwards asked me if I wanted to have some cofee at Figaro and I declined again since nagtitipid nga ako! lolz. We hopped to Mega then stroll a bit then later on.. Had cofee at Starbucks. My Uncle, Tito Richard called me and he wanna treat me! as in my friend and I were thinking what's the big deal why my uncle wanna treat me!?? I told Tito Richard to go to Starbucks and as soon as he arrived, (ahem.. in his corporate attire), he invited us to lunch and since my friend was with me, kasama siya sa treat! hehe!! We ate at CIBO since it's beside Starbucks. Grace and I didn't able to consume all our foods. After eating, Grace bought Maan a cinnamon at Starbucks and we rode a cab to school. My uncle said to see us after we get our grades and enlist ourselves. We met Tito Richard at around 3:30 after he watched a movie. Off we went to greenhills and dropped by to Fitness First (my uncle's gym) and he treated me and my friend again at Starbucks. While at Starbucks, Grace and I were kept on crying and wishing soo hard that we can go to DISH to see Paolo, Jimmy and Nyoy's performances. As in we were crossing fingers. We were dying to go there. Grace and I. After Starbucks, My tito went to gym and we went to Galleria to meet my dad. While at the jeepney, lolz.. Grace and I were having a conversation in english! LOLZ haha! (Grace by the way is some kind of conio type.. lolz) Grace and my uncle were talking about restos and stuff and I was O.P! lolz!! We then met dad. I was persuading him to permit me go to DISH but the problem was.. our car was banned yesterday! so to make the story short.. our supposedly shindig wasnt pushed through! Grace said I can borrow money from her if ever ma-short ako since I only got 700 bucks in my wallet and she had p5000 (safe na safe ako hehe!!) waahh.. We went home nalang and I promised to text her the next gig. =( Eek.. Im lovin' her company now. We're not that close before as in..I was not a homie with her not until our intramuros gimmick. hehe!

My Sked fo' dz Sem:

Monday:
COMP04     Current Trends in InfoTech             8-9
CSCI16        Data Comm and Networking          9-10
CSCI11        OS and Networking Admin.           10-11

Tuesday:
CSCI11        OS and Netwoking Ad. (LAB)       8-11
CSCI14        System Analysis & Design              11-12

Wednesday:
COMP04      Current Trends in InfoTech             8-9
CSCI16         Data Comm and Networking          9-10
CSCI11         OS and Networking Admin.           10-11
ELEC01        Internet Admin and Security           11-2

Thursday:
CSCI16         Data Comm&Networking(LAB)    8-11
CSCI14         System Analysis & Design             11-12

Friday:
---->NO CLASSES<-----

Saturday:
CCIT03        Info. Resource Management          7-10
CSCI14        System Analysis and Design          11-12

Sunday or Anyday of the Week:
COMP04    Current Trends in InfoTech Fieldtrips.. Seminars